I’ve - Had - The Time of My Life

Day 11
Sunday, September 4, 2011

Now within an hour of David’s apartment in Waukesha, WI we are both dreading the close of our trip, though now inspired to eat hot dogs and try our new mustard flavors…This trip has been non stop fun and excitement that is leaving me longing for another trip to the amazing landscape of the Western United States. Don’t get me wrong, I still love my European travels and I will get to Haiti soon, but, from here on out I will give the US the credit it is due regarding history, beauty, and adventure. I have a feeling this camping-hiking thing is going to be a much more frequent occurrence. Jack Jack is gonna have to get used to outdoor adventure.

I hope our families and friends have enjoyed living vicariously through us as we explored, in all too short a time, a small portion of the West. It has been amazing to see and lots of fun to share.

Until next time

Ode to Mustard

Day 11
Sunday, September 4, 2011

I have just paid hommage to my home land. In Middleton, WI there’s a man named Barry Levenson who began collecting different flavors of mustard from everywhere he went. This hobby turned career when he opened The Mustard Museum in Mr. Horeb, WI (previously he was the Assistant Attorney General of Wisconsin). Recently that location moved a bit East to Middleton, WI. For years I have seen Mustard Museum catalogues my mom got in the mail. With a name like Mustard you have to have fun. Today however, David and I went to the official Mustard Museum and I met the one and only Barry Levenson who conferred upon me, by the power invested by nobody, the degree of Doctor of Diddly-Squat from Poupon U. Complete with a diploma and everything! David called the whole thing a “Glorification of Americana.” When there is so much stress in life and work and politics and healthcare, it is refreshing and quite inspiring to see a man who has made his living by dedicating himself to something he loves. Barry Levenson is a wonderful reminder to find what you love and make money doing it. Furthermore, I ask you, what kind of world would it be without the amazing variety and deliciousness of  the world’s greatest condiment and should not we pay tribute?

Your Family is F-ing Fantastic!

Day 10
Saturday, September 3, 2011


The only thing good I can say for today is the Buckeyes beat the Zips. Otherwise, today has been poop. We had to say goodbye to Dick and Rose along with Denver and the Western US in general and it has been a very sad day indeed because of all of the above. I apologize to my relatives that live here, but Nebraska has got to be the worst state I have yet experienced, and not just because it’s home to the Cornhuskers (GAG!). By the time we made it to Omaha, I was about ready to throw something. Luckily, we are just about to cross into Iowa and while it’s not much better as far as excitement goes, at least it’s something new. 


In short, Denver was the highlight of the trip. That is saying a great deal considering how much amazing fun we have had thus far. When we arrived Thursday evening to Dick and Rose’s house, we were greeted by all their kids (my dad’s cousins: Mitch, Trudy, Mark, and Rick). As I mentioned, I had met them all once before and it was in 1995 when I was 9. They are wonderful. Such a lively and fun bunch with personalities quite compatible with mine. We got along as though we have known each other all our lives. David got along with them quite easily as well. To be honest, as we were driving to Colorado, we were beginning to have a bit of vacation let down because it seemed that a visit with people we didn’t know well and a lot of car time was all that remained for the trip. We were so very wrong. We were shown the hospitality of the West and I got to make a new and wonderful connection with some of the most entertaining and fantastic people I have ever met. 



After a yummy dinner…accompanied by Coors beer, we got a tour of the house. Rose designed it and they have lived in it for 10 years. It has a beautiful pack patio which overlooks a field with mountains in the distance, the garage has 4 doors (front and rear ones for the RV bay), it is 3 cars deep, has a loft for when Dick would work on the RV they used to have, a tool chest that is nearly my height high and twice my height long, and a CNC mill (for machining parts). It is incredible. Rose has a sewing room that is about the size of my apartment where she works on quilts and needlepoint and machine embroidery. The room where I slept is Rose’s antique room. It has tons of family heirlooms like my great grandparents wedding rings and my great grandfathers shoes. Every item has a little tag to identify who it belonged to.


That night I slept in the most comfortable bed I can remember, David came to wake me at 10am after I had slept for 11 hours. That is twice as long as I had slept any night to that point on the trip. He came into the room, sat down and said, “I have just spent the last 2 hours talking to your aunt and uncle. [pause] They are FANTASTIC!” I gave him a big smile as if I already knew but the truth is, I didn’t know. I figured they had to be pretty great simply because they are Mustards, but I didn’t have the experience of having spent adequate time with them in the past to really know just how great. 


We sat out on the back porch of the house looking out at the mountains just talking to Dick and Rose all morning. For lunch they took us to a biker bar in town and we ate Meatloaf Cheeseburgers that were mouth wateringly delicious (and which potentially contained possum…). For dessert we had bread pudding with what I will describe as a brandy crème anglaise (mom you should try it!). From there we went to the drag strip to meet up with Mitch and Jeffra who were doing time trials…Did I forget to mention that my cousins are automotive experts and champion race car drivers?… It is an automotive experience unlike any other to be standing at the starting line as two dragsters burnout and race a ¼ mile in under 9 seconds. It made me sad I parted out my Eclipse…I may just have to rebuild her :). 


From the drag strip we stopped back at the house for a quick rest and to get ready for dinner. Mark’s and Dick’s birthdays are the beginning of September. We went to Keg’s for prime rib and lobster followed up with a 4 layer carrot cake that satisfied all 5 of us with leftovers to spare (David enjoyed it for breakfast). Dinner ended with Mark giving me a ride home on his Harley! I know it goes against everything I preach about bikes and safety but I couldn’t help myself, it was so much fun! Don’t worry I wore a helmet. :)

This morning we had breakfast followed by the unhappy task of departing for Des Moines, IA. I could have stayed forever in Denver if I didn’t have a job and puppy to return to. I promised I would return soon and it is definitely one I intend to keep. I have grown too attached to my Denver family in the last 2 days to let another 16 years pass before seeing them again. I am looking forward to getting to tell my siblings that we are spawn from a genuine Boot-Legger from the prohibition! Not something you learn about your great grandpa everyday.


As I pass through the wind farms of Iowa (which by the way are no longer exciting but still creepy) I keep thinking about when I can take my next camping adventure. I have a feeling this is going to have to become a regular thing cause there’s no way I can wait until next summer for another vacation.

It Always Takes a Woman to Finish a Man’s Job

Day 8

Thursday, September 1, 2011

We were welcomed to the town of Jackson Hole with a Western shootout in the center of town, the hero of which was an Annie Oakley type who shouted, “Here in Jackson it always takes a woman to finish a man’s job!” It was quite a way to start this part of the trip. (Such a wise group of people here J).

Not knowing where we would stay when we arrived, we pulled into the Lexington at Jackson Hole and got a sweet deal as last minute arrivals. Sometimes there are benefits to flying by the seat of your pants. After checking in we wandered around town. This is probably one of the coolest little towns I have been to. It is 90% peopled by tourists but they play it up so well that it’s not tacky. Besides, we heard rumor that Ryan Reynolds and Sandra Bullock are in town and anything good enough for Ryan is good enough for me!

Yesterday we went Whitewater Rafting on the Snake River. The water was 58 degrees and it was 80 degrees outside but we managed to stay relatively warm. It was a thrilling trip and our river guide told us a lot about the river. Apparently the rapids have changed significantly in the last 6 months because of a landslide that occurred in the Spring. At one point I was convinced to play “Wheel of Fortune”…basically, they had me stand on the front edge of the raft and everyone else spun the boat in a circle and I had to keep from flipping off into the water. It seems I don’t have as much balance as I would like to think. We also caught a glimpse of a bald eagle in his natural habitat. I don’t know if it’s the American thing or not but that was definitely more exciting than seeing the bison and elk and certainly more exciting than the two snakes I met this week.

After rafting, we had lunch at the Bunnery which is a cute little restaurant and bakery (we got an extra cinnamon twist. Apparently it was because I’m cute ::blushing::). In the evening we went to dinner at the Sweetwater Restaurant where David ate Antelope. Dinner was followed by drinks at the Million Dollar Cowboy Bar. The bar stools are real saddles J. While enjoying a few drinks we were overtaken by a zombie invasion! Luckily since I have such a friendly disposition, I was able to convince them to spare us. That is a survival tactic they don’t tell you in the Zombie Survival Guide.

At present we are en route to Littleton, CO to see my Great Uncle and Aunt Dick and Rose Mustard. I haven’t seen them in years. The rest of the Denver Mustards I haven’t seen since our last family reunion when I was 9. Speaking of which, we should really do another one of those. We are having dinner with Dick, Rose and their kids (my dad’s cousins). I am looking forward to being shown around the Denver area by some genuine locals. The drive from Jackson Hole is just over 9 hours. The scenery is still nice but flattening out significantly. I am also beginning to think it is an under exaggeration when people say in Wyoming cows out number people 5 to 1...The past two towns we have gone through had populations of 100 and 75 respectively. I have easily seen 5 times that many cows (Oh and, one black and white smart car! A very rare find in these here parts).

Tips for Beginner Backpackers from a pair of Beginner Backpackers

When selecting your trail it helps to ask the following questions:
Is the trail well marked?
Is there a water source near the campsite?
Does the trail include a 3 hour ,45 degree incline?
How can we gauge our distance covered?





Things to bring with you:
*Rope
Deet Bug spray
Sunscreen
Water purification and a filter or a bandana (that’s how we filtered water)
Rain jacket
Map (topographical!!!)
Compass
Extra socks
An extra layer for cold nights (really really cold!)
Water
Food - high calorie granola bars and dehydrated food works well
Camp stove
Waterproof matches
Head lamp
First aid kit (preferably one built by a nurse)
Sleeping bag
Tent
Garbage bag(s)
Shammy (instead of a towel)
Toilet paper (no one wants an accidental and unfortunate encounter with poison ivy leaves ::shudder::)
Camera
Knife/multitool kit

What to wear:
Synthetic shirt
Pants - No matter how hot it is, shorts will result in bug bites, poison ivy, cuts, or all of the above
Boots - properly worn in. This point cannot be stressed enough
Sunglasses - protect eyes from sun and bugs
Head covering
Wool socks




*Alex, this is for you!
Connor: Do ya’ know what we need, man? Some rope.
Murphy: Absolutely. What are you, insane?
Connor: No I ain't. Charlie Bronson's always got rope.
Murphy: What?
Connor: Yeah. He's got a lot of rope strapped around him in the movies, and they always end up using it.
Murphy: You've lost it, haven't ya‘?
Connor: No, I'm serious.
Murphy: That's stupid. Name one thing you'd need a rope for.
Connor: You don't f*ckin' know what you're gonna need it for. They just always need it.
Murphy: What's this 'they' shit? This isn't a movie.
Connor: Is that right, Rambo?
Murphy: All right. Get your stupid f*ckin' rope.
Connor: I'll get my stupid rope. I'll get it.

Big Boob National Park

I have just seen Heaven on Earth. Jackson and Jenny Lake in the Grand Teton National Park is without a doubt the most beautiful site I have ever been blessed to see. Now, anyone who knows me is aware that I have a tendency to over exaggerate. Every song I like is “my favorite” every food I like is “the best” and every concert I go to is “the coolest ever.” My brother on the other hand has a tendency to under express his emotion on things so when he said we had to see Jenny Lake, it meant we had to see Jenny Lake. I just sent him a message saying, “OMG! Jenny Lake is unreal” to which he responded, “Pretty, huh?” David and I just laughed at the emotionally blunted yet utterly sincere reply.

Now we know what we’re made of

Day 6
Tuesday, August 30, 2011

I said it was strenuous...
that doesn't mean it wasn't gorgeous

I’ll start by saying I have never been so happy to see my Jeep! The last 26 hours have been the most strenuous of my life (at least that I can recall). I assure you, if I had brought my laptop on our backcountry hike, the overall tone of the post after arriving at the campsite yesterday would have been significantly different. Now, having arrived back safely from our 20 mile voyage, we are both exhausted and incredibly proud of ourselves. The first 10 miles before we made it to our camp site, the trail was not only difficult to follow on the map (we were able to follow the trail but had no ability to gauge our progress), but 2/3 of it was a steady, merciless incline. 3 hours walking uphill with a 35lb pack was enough to make me consider turning around and heading back to the trailhead. It also made me curse Troy for not pushing me to spend more time on the stair climber. There was also no sign of water the whole first day which made us a bit nervous. We brought 5 liters with us but that incline (oh, did I mention there was no tree covering so we were baking in the sun the entire way) wore us out and we used a bit more water than we anticipated.


When we finally reached our campsite around 2:15. There was such a sense of euphoria and gratitude to the God that kicked our asses up that mountain. To top it off, there was a perfectly clear, steadily flowing stream just to the East of camp. It provided us with the most delicious ice mountain water. It was at then we realized everything was A-OK. David’s comment after trying the water from what we will forever refer to as “our stream” was, “Wow, it doesn’t taste like Bear piss or nothing.”

We set up camp, placing our tent outside of the Bear-muda Triangle (Thank you Brother!), made dinner and just after we got the food strung up in a tree, it began to rain. The rain didn’t last long, but it brought with it every last mosquito in backcountry Yellowstone. We went to sleep just after sunset. Either I am really not a princess or I was just that tired, but I didn’t even seem to mind the large root that ran under me in the tent as I slept.

This morning we departed from camp at 7:15. We packed up our cold, wet gear and ventured on our way. We prayed that the grueling uphill climb from the day before would result in a rewarding decent in elevation and for the most part, we were correct (though we wouldn't have been surprised if it turned out to be the proverbial "uphill both ways" situation). The feeling of cold didn’t last long but the 10 mile hike back was one of wet socks from the wet plants we walked through. For this second part of the journey it was much easier to locate ourselves on the map and we were happy to have both map and compass to navigate us in the proper direction; there were many diverging trails and of course David began quoting Robert Frost.


At 11:30 we finally arrived back at our starting point and I literally ran to my Jeep. I threw off my pack and sat on the gate. David and I both quickly changed into our swim suits because about ½ mile back, there was a hot spring that ran into the river creating a natural, and might I add glorious, hot tub. Before we could go enjoy such a luxury, I had to drink a Mountain Dew (never thought that would be the first thing I would want when I arrived) and I had to pee, for the first time in 16 hours. TMI for most of you, but for my nursing friends, if I were a patient, my I&O total would have bought me at least a 1L bolus if not 2...

He's gonna kill me for
posting this picture!

 The walk back to the Mammoth Hot Spring run off was the easiest, lightest ½ mile I can remember and the water felt perfect (Thank you again Brother!). Mom would love this spot because you can quickly and easily move from perfect hot tub temperatures to ice bath without getting out of the water. There were two other people in our little spring and they happen to be the doppelgangers of one Kate Mock Elliot and her husband Spencer Elliot. It was uncanny! I didn’t think Spencer’s beard or hair could be replicated, but I was very wrong.

As it stands right now, we are en route to Jackson Hole, WY, though it will take about 2 hours just to make it out of the park. We intent next to eat and then enjoy a low key rest of the day in civilization.