I’ve - Had - The Time of My Life

Day 11
Sunday, September 4, 2011

Now within an hour of David’s apartment in Waukesha, WI we are both dreading the close of our trip, though now inspired to eat hot dogs and try our new mustard flavors…This trip has been non stop fun and excitement that is leaving me longing for another trip to the amazing landscape of the Western United States. Don’t get me wrong, I still love my European travels and I will get to Haiti soon, but, from here on out I will give the US the credit it is due regarding history, beauty, and adventure. I have a feeling this camping-hiking thing is going to be a much more frequent occurrence. Jack Jack is gonna have to get used to outdoor adventure.

I hope our families and friends have enjoyed living vicariously through us as we explored, in all too short a time, a small portion of the West. It has been amazing to see and lots of fun to share.

Until next time

Ode to Mustard

Day 11
Sunday, September 4, 2011

I have just paid hommage to my home land. In Middleton, WI there’s a man named Barry Levenson who began collecting different flavors of mustard from everywhere he went. This hobby turned career when he opened The Mustard Museum in Mr. Horeb, WI (previously he was the Assistant Attorney General of Wisconsin). Recently that location moved a bit East to Middleton, WI. For years I have seen Mustard Museum catalogues my mom got in the mail. With a name like Mustard you have to have fun. Today however, David and I went to the official Mustard Museum and I met the one and only Barry Levenson who conferred upon me, by the power invested by nobody, the degree of Doctor of Diddly-Squat from Poupon U. Complete with a diploma and everything! David called the whole thing a “Glorification of Americana.” When there is so much stress in life and work and politics and healthcare, it is refreshing and quite inspiring to see a man who has made his living by dedicating himself to something he loves. Barry Levenson is a wonderful reminder to find what you love and make money doing it. Furthermore, I ask you, what kind of world would it be without the amazing variety and deliciousness of  the world’s greatest condiment and should not we pay tribute?

Your Family is F-ing Fantastic!

Day 10
Saturday, September 3, 2011


The only thing good I can say for today is the Buckeyes beat the Zips. Otherwise, today has been poop. We had to say goodbye to Dick and Rose along with Denver and the Western US in general and it has been a very sad day indeed because of all of the above. I apologize to my relatives that live here, but Nebraska has got to be the worst state I have yet experienced, and not just because it’s home to the Cornhuskers (GAG!). By the time we made it to Omaha, I was about ready to throw something. Luckily, we are just about to cross into Iowa and while it’s not much better as far as excitement goes, at least it’s something new. 


In short, Denver was the highlight of the trip. That is saying a great deal considering how much amazing fun we have had thus far. When we arrived Thursday evening to Dick and Rose’s house, we were greeted by all their kids (my dad’s cousins: Mitch, Trudy, Mark, and Rick). As I mentioned, I had met them all once before and it was in 1995 when I was 9. They are wonderful. Such a lively and fun bunch with personalities quite compatible with mine. We got along as though we have known each other all our lives. David got along with them quite easily as well. To be honest, as we were driving to Colorado, we were beginning to have a bit of vacation let down because it seemed that a visit with people we didn’t know well and a lot of car time was all that remained for the trip. We were so very wrong. We were shown the hospitality of the West and I got to make a new and wonderful connection with some of the most entertaining and fantastic people I have ever met. 



After a yummy dinner…accompanied by Coors beer, we got a tour of the house. Rose designed it and they have lived in it for 10 years. It has a beautiful pack patio which overlooks a field with mountains in the distance, the garage has 4 doors (front and rear ones for the RV bay), it is 3 cars deep, has a loft for when Dick would work on the RV they used to have, a tool chest that is nearly my height high and twice my height long, and a CNC mill (for machining parts). It is incredible. Rose has a sewing room that is about the size of my apartment where she works on quilts and needlepoint and machine embroidery. The room where I slept is Rose’s antique room. It has tons of family heirlooms like my great grandparents wedding rings and my great grandfathers shoes. Every item has a little tag to identify who it belonged to.


That night I slept in the most comfortable bed I can remember, David came to wake me at 10am after I had slept for 11 hours. That is twice as long as I had slept any night to that point on the trip. He came into the room, sat down and said, “I have just spent the last 2 hours talking to your aunt and uncle. [pause] They are FANTASTIC!” I gave him a big smile as if I already knew but the truth is, I didn’t know. I figured they had to be pretty great simply because they are Mustards, but I didn’t have the experience of having spent adequate time with them in the past to really know just how great. 


We sat out on the back porch of the house looking out at the mountains just talking to Dick and Rose all morning. For lunch they took us to a biker bar in town and we ate Meatloaf Cheeseburgers that were mouth wateringly delicious (and which potentially contained possum…). For dessert we had bread pudding with what I will describe as a brandy crème anglaise (mom you should try it!). From there we went to the drag strip to meet up with Mitch and Jeffra who were doing time trials…Did I forget to mention that my cousins are automotive experts and champion race car drivers?… It is an automotive experience unlike any other to be standing at the starting line as two dragsters burnout and race a ¼ mile in under 9 seconds. It made me sad I parted out my Eclipse…I may just have to rebuild her :). 


From the drag strip we stopped back at the house for a quick rest and to get ready for dinner. Mark’s and Dick’s birthdays are the beginning of September. We went to Keg’s for prime rib and lobster followed up with a 4 layer carrot cake that satisfied all 5 of us with leftovers to spare (David enjoyed it for breakfast). Dinner ended with Mark giving me a ride home on his Harley! I know it goes against everything I preach about bikes and safety but I couldn’t help myself, it was so much fun! Don’t worry I wore a helmet. :)

This morning we had breakfast followed by the unhappy task of departing for Des Moines, IA. I could have stayed forever in Denver if I didn’t have a job and puppy to return to. I promised I would return soon and it is definitely one I intend to keep. I have grown too attached to my Denver family in the last 2 days to let another 16 years pass before seeing them again. I am looking forward to getting to tell my siblings that we are spawn from a genuine Boot-Legger from the prohibition! Not something you learn about your great grandpa everyday.


As I pass through the wind farms of Iowa (which by the way are no longer exciting but still creepy) I keep thinking about when I can take my next camping adventure. I have a feeling this is going to have to become a regular thing cause there’s no way I can wait until next summer for another vacation.

It Always Takes a Woman to Finish a Man’s Job

Day 8

Thursday, September 1, 2011

We were welcomed to the town of Jackson Hole with a Western shootout in the center of town, the hero of which was an Annie Oakley type who shouted, “Here in Jackson it always takes a woman to finish a man’s job!” It was quite a way to start this part of the trip. (Such a wise group of people here J).

Not knowing where we would stay when we arrived, we pulled into the Lexington at Jackson Hole and got a sweet deal as last minute arrivals. Sometimes there are benefits to flying by the seat of your pants. After checking in we wandered around town. This is probably one of the coolest little towns I have been to. It is 90% peopled by tourists but they play it up so well that it’s not tacky. Besides, we heard rumor that Ryan Reynolds and Sandra Bullock are in town and anything good enough for Ryan is good enough for me!

Yesterday we went Whitewater Rafting on the Snake River. The water was 58 degrees and it was 80 degrees outside but we managed to stay relatively warm. It was a thrilling trip and our river guide told us a lot about the river. Apparently the rapids have changed significantly in the last 6 months because of a landslide that occurred in the Spring. At one point I was convinced to play “Wheel of Fortune”…basically, they had me stand on the front edge of the raft and everyone else spun the boat in a circle and I had to keep from flipping off into the water. It seems I don’t have as much balance as I would like to think. We also caught a glimpse of a bald eagle in his natural habitat. I don’t know if it’s the American thing or not but that was definitely more exciting than seeing the bison and elk and certainly more exciting than the two snakes I met this week.

After rafting, we had lunch at the Bunnery which is a cute little restaurant and bakery (we got an extra cinnamon twist. Apparently it was because I’m cute ::blushing::). In the evening we went to dinner at the Sweetwater Restaurant where David ate Antelope. Dinner was followed by drinks at the Million Dollar Cowboy Bar. The bar stools are real saddles J. While enjoying a few drinks we were overtaken by a zombie invasion! Luckily since I have such a friendly disposition, I was able to convince them to spare us. That is a survival tactic they don’t tell you in the Zombie Survival Guide.

At present we are en route to Littleton, CO to see my Great Uncle and Aunt Dick and Rose Mustard. I haven’t seen them in years. The rest of the Denver Mustards I haven’t seen since our last family reunion when I was 9. Speaking of which, we should really do another one of those. We are having dinner with Dick, Rose and their kids (my dad’s cousins). I am looking forward to being shown around the Denver area by some genuine locals. The drive from Jackson Hole is just over 9 hours. The scenery is still nice but flattening out significantly. I am also beginning to think it is an under exaggeration when people say in Wyoming cows out number people 5 to 1...The past two towns we have gone through had populations of 100 and 75 respectively. I have easily seen 5 times that many cows (Oh and, one black and white smart car! A very rare find in these here parts).